Beware, Ramen Fried My Brain & other One Shot's
by Shadow of the Forgotten
Summary: A collection of humorous one shot's revolving around Sasuke and Naruto. Includes: Naruto's obsession with ramen causing problems for Sasuke, Sasuke's retaliation, a t-shirt that leads to some unfortunate circumstances and more.
1. Beware, Ramen Fried My Brain

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Beware, Ramen Fried My Brain

* * *

Naruto sat at the counter in the Ichiraku ramen shop, staring at the menu with drool hanging off of the corner of his mouth. He had just made a deal with Sasuke, and he was currently making a list so he knew which type of ramen he was going to order first. After he finished his end of the bargain that is.

**Flashback **

"Hey Naruto." Sasuke said as he poked the blonde in the shoulder to wake him up.

Blinking, Naruto glared at Sasuke and tried to lie back down to continue his nap. Suddenly, his head was yanked back up and he found himself once again staring into the eyes of his 'friend'. Although this time, he looked ready to kill. "Eh heh heh." Naruto said sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head.

Still glaring at the blonde, Sasuke started again. "Naruto, I'd like you to do me a favor." He said, mumbling the last part.

Naruto stared at Sasuke confusedly before his statement sank in. "WHAT?!" Then he began to grin smugly. "I knew it. I knew that you weren't perfect." Sasuke just continued to glare. "So what do you need me to do?" Naruto asked. "I can train you, or give you dating advice, or even fashion advice. So what is it? What do you need me to do for you?"

Sasuke's eyebrow began twitching. 'He thinks I need _him_ to train _me_?' He thought to himself. 'How delusional can he get? And what the hell was that about fashion advice, there's nothing wrong with my clothes.' Tapping his fingers on the counter, he tried to calm down. "I'd like you to come up with a way to get my fan club to leave me alone. I've tired everything I can think of, but they just won't go away."

Cocking his head to the side, Naruto frowned. "That's it? That's all you want me to do. Just convince the girls to leave you alone?"

Nodding, Sasuke continued. "I don't care how you do it; just get them off my back. You can even tell them I'm already going out with some unnamed girl from another village. I'll leave the details up to you." Seeing Naruto hesitate, he added in compensation. "If you do, I'll treat you to ramen twice a week for a month."

Naruto got stars in his eyes and began to drool. "Ramen!" As quickly as it came, the look was gone and in its place was a more serious one. "I'll do it." He said with a nod of his head. "You can count on me."

"I'll leave everything to you then. Deal?" Sasuke asked as he put out his hand.

"Deal." Naruto said, shaking the hand before him.

**End Flashback **

Now, Naruto was going to do just like Sasuke asked and get the girls to leave him alone. However, he saw no harm in making a few deals on the side. 'Besides' He thought. 'I'd starve if I only had ramen twice a week.'

The next day at class, Naruto put his plan into action. "Hey Ino, Sakura." He said waving the pair over. "I've got a deal to make with you guys."

Sakura eyed him suspiciously. "What do you want Naruto?" Ino just stood there impatiently, waiting to hear this so called deal so she could go see Sasuke.

"Well…" Both girls glared at him to hurry up. "What if I told you that Sasuke likes someone and I know who it is?"

Upon hearing his statement, the girls both got hearts in their eyes and began arguing over who it could be. "It has to be me." Ino said smugly. "Why would Sasuke want to go out with someone who has such a big forehead?"

"Shut up Ino-pig. Sasuke likes me more than he'll ever like you." Sakura said, as flames seemed to erupt behind her.

Knowing where this was headed, Naruto stepped between the two girls. "I'll tell you who he likes, but you each have to buy me ramen two times a week for a whole mon-."

"Deal!" They both said before he even finished his sentence.

"Okay." Naruto began. "But you have to promise not to freak out on me since it's not who you'd expect." They both nodded their heads quickly so he'd continue. "Well…" He said, dragging it out. "He likes…" Naruto's brain froze. 'Who was I going to say again?' He thought to himself. 'Dang, I can't remember. Okay Naruto, think. I'm sure you can come up with something.' Naruto glanced around the room for someone else he could use and came up empty. 'Crap what am I going to do?' He thought to himself. 'If I don't say something soon I'll lose all that tasty ramen.' Suddenly, he heard a noise and turned to look outside. "He likes Gaara!" Naruto blurted out before he could stop himself.

"WHAT? SASUKE LIKES GAARA?!" Sakura and Ino both shouted, before they promptly fainted.

"Whoops." Naruto said, as he watched the girls twitching around on the floor. Suddenly, the air around him got very cold. Turning around, he came face to face with a very pissed off Uchiha. Naruto waved his hands in front of his body in a sign of surrender. "Now Sasuke, I was only doing what you asked." Seeing his eyes narrow even further, Naruto tried again. "Look at it this way; they won't be bothering you anymore." The glare only intensified, and now Naruto was starting to get very worried. "Hey, give me a break. I didn't mean to say it, it just kinda popped out." Obviously that didn't matter, since the murderous look he was receiving seemed to only get darker. Naruto gulped, and started to slowly inch away from the furious boy.

"Now, you die Naruto." Sasuke growled out, as he stalked closer to him. In a flash, Naruto took off out the door screaming for someone to save him, with Sasuke hot on his heels yelling death threats. As Naruto was running out the main doors of the academy, he accidentally knocked over Gaara. Gaara glared at him, but Naruto was far too busy dealing with Sasuke to worry about him.

Gaara continued to glare at Naruto as he ran down a side alley. Finally, he turned away and headed towards the main entrance again. But once again, he was run over. Only this time it was by his rival Sasuke, and somehow both of them ended up on the ground in a tangled heap.

Just about that time, Ino and Sakura had woken up from their little cat naps and were currently pushing past the crowd in front of the window so they could see what all the commotion was. "OH! MY! GOD!" They screamed at the same time. There, right outside the window, lay _their_ Sasuke. Not only that, but he was laying there _with_ Gaara. The two girls looked at each other in shock, and the same thought went through both of their heads before they met the ground for the second time that day. 'NARUTO WAS RIGHT!?'


	2. Undercooked Noodles

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Undercooked Noodles

* * *

Naruto peeked out around the corner before sighing in relief. 'No Sasuke. Good, I'm safe.' He thought to himself, before stepping out of the alley he'd been hiding in and heading towards the most important place in town. The Ichiraku Ramen stand.

Now normally Naruto's not scared of Sasuke at all, well at least that's what he claims, but ever since the whole 'Gaara incident' the Uchiha's been particularly evil. So just to be on the safe side, Naruto has been avoiding Sasuke completely. 'And I'll continue to do so until he stops threatening to tear my limbs off.' Naruto thought with a grimace. It was so bad for the first few days that Naruto never even set foot outside of his house. But eventually his stomach won out and he was forced to set out in search of some sustenance, which in his case meant ramen. Thankfully, the trip was a success and in no time at all he had devoured three bowls of the tasty food. Sitting back with a smile on his face, Naruto patted his now full belly. "Thanks mister." He said as he got up to leave. The owner just smiled as he continued to make another order. Whistling a tune to himself, Naruto left the restaurant. He had only gone a few steps when he was suddenly pulled down an alley and pressed up against a wall.

"What are yo-" Naruto started to say before a hand covered his mouth. "Mmph!" He grumbled with a glare.

The person holding him looked around nervously before breathing a sigh of relief. "Good, it looks like no one saw anything."

Naruto continued to glare at the person before him.

"Eh heh, sorry about that." The person said as he removed his hand.

"What do you want Fuzzy Brows?" Naruto asked Rock Lee. "And why the hell did you pull me down an alley? You could have just talked to me in the street."

Rock Lee glanced around nervously. "I needed a favor and I didn't want anyone to overhear. Please do this for me; I'll do anything you want." He said as he clasped his hands together and bowed.

Naruto just looked at him strangely. "What are you talking about Fuzzy Brows? What favor?"

"I'm glad you asked." Lee said as he struck a pose.

Naruto just stood there rolling his eyes. 'I wonder if he'll notice if I leave.' He thought to himself when Lee started going into his speech about the wonders of youth. 'Guy-sensei is rubbing off on him a little too much.' "Ok, that's enough." Naruto said as he interrupted the speech. "What do you want?"

"Ah, yes." Lee said as he cleared his throat. "I need a favor." Seeing Naruto glare, he quickly continued. "I was wondering if you could deliver a package for me."

"A package? That's all? I thought it was something important. I'm going home." Naruto said as he pushed himself away from the wall.

"Wait!" Lee said in a panic. "You're the only one who can do it." Seeing Naruto pause, he continued. "I'll make it worth your while. I'll treat you to ramen everyday for a month."

Upon hearing the word ramen, Naruto quickly turned around. "What do I need to do?" He asked.

"Like I said, I need you to deliver a package to Sakura for me." Lee said as he got little hearts in his eyes.

"That's it?" Naruto asked skeptically. "There has to be a catch."

"No, no catch. All you have to do is deliver the package to her." Lee said. "You just can't tell her who it's from."

"Why not?" Naruto asked confused.

"Because you can't." Lee replied. "That's the rules."

"So what do I say when she asks me who it's from?" Naruto asked. "Since you know she will."

Lee put his hand on his chin and thought for a moment. "Tell her it's from a secret admirer."

And so, Naruto accepted the mission and took the package from Lee before heading off towards Sakura's. Looking at the package, he smiled. "Free ramen for a month here I come." Suddenly he remembered the fiasco with Sasuke and paused. 'That turned out very bad and I ended up without any ramen for a whole week.' He thought sadly. 'Maybe I shouldn't do this.' "Naah." He said, shaking his head to dispel those thoughts. "That was a one time thing, what could possibly go wrong this time." And with that he continued on his way. Before he could reach her house, Naruto saw Sakura walking down the street towards him. "Hey Sakura!" He shouted as he ran up to her.

"Oh, hi Naruto. What brings you here?" She asked politely.

Holding out his hand, Naruto gave Sakura the package. "Here." He told her. "This is for you."

Sakura looked at him and smiled. "Why thank you. What's the occasion?"

"It's not from me." Naruto said as he stuck his hands into his pockets. "I was asked to give it to you."

"Really?" Sakura asked. "Well then who's it from?"

"Uh…a secret admirer." Naruto told her just like he was instructed.

"Oooh, a secret admirer!" Sakura said as she took a moment to think of who it could be. Suddenly she squealed and began to jump around. "Oh my god! It must be from Sasuke!" She shouted as she ripped open the box. As soon as she saw what was inside her eyes widened.

"Uh…Sakura." Naruto started to explain before she shushed him with her hand. "Hey Sakura!" He started again. "The box isn't from Sa-" And yet again he was silenced. Only this time it was because of the _thing_ she now held in her hand. As soon as he saw it, he forgot about what he was saying and began to laugh.

Sakura eyed the green unitard in her hand with disdain, before she narrowed her eyes and screamed. "Sasuke, you jerk!!" Dropping the box on the ground, she turned her back on Naruto and ran off in the direction of Sasuke's house.

"Hey, wait!" Naruto shouted, after his laughter died. "The box didn't come from…oh never mind." She was already to far away to hear him. "This is not going to end well." He moaned as he headed back home. There was no point in running since Sasuke would find him anyway. "I just hope he doesn't kill me this time, it'd be a waste to lose all that ramen."

Shortly after arriving home, Naruto heard a knock on his door. Making sure his medical supplies were within reach, he opened the door. 'Gee, what a surprise.' He thought sarcastically when it ended up being Sasuke on the other side. Before Sasuke could even say a word, Naruto invited him in. "Let's get this over with." He said with a sigh.

Sasuke looked at him strangely. "Get what over with?" He asked confused.

Naruto looked at him like he'd grown another head. "Aren't you here to pummel me?" He asked.

"No, should I be?" Sasuke asked.

"No!" Naruto said quickly. "I just figured Sakura would have gone to see you."

"She did." Sasuke said as he sat down on Naruto's bed. "She was pissed off about some gift I _supposedly_ gave her, but I told her it wasn't from me and she left."

"So you're really not here to hurt me?" Naruto asked relieved.

"Nope." Sasuke replied.

"Whew." Naruto said as he relaxed. A few minutes passed in silence before he spoke again. "So, what are you doing here?" He asked.

Sasuke gave him a very sinister looking grin. "I'm just here for the show."

"What show?" Naruto asked with a gulp. That face was pretty scary.

Suddenly his door was thrown open and Sakura entered with a scream. "Naruto you bastard!! How dare you try to make me mad at Sasuke."

Naruto backed up against the wall and began shaking.

"Now you'll pay for what you've done." Sakura said as she cracked her knuckles.

Sasuke leaned back with a smile on his face as he watched Sakura beat Naruto to a pulp. 'That idiot will do just about anything for ramen.' He thought as his smile widened.

Meanwhile, Guy-sensei and his squad, Neji, Tenten and Rock Lee, finally arrived back at the village after a difficult three day mission.


	3. This is Your Conscience Speaking

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

This is Your Conscience Speaking

* * *

Squad 7 stood at the bridge waiting for their habitually late leader. Naruto spent his time trying to talk to Sakura, while Sakura tried to get Sasuke to pay attention to her and attempted to ignore Naruto. Meanwhile, Sasuke was ignoring both of them. Well at least he was trying too. Unfortunately, Naruto kept getting louder with every passing second and it was quickly becoming impossible. Soon, Sakura and Naruto had begun arguing with each other and Sasuke finally snapped.

"Shut up!" He growled. "Can't you guys ever stop fighting?" As soon as they turned their attention to him, he realized that he'd made a big mistake because they just started in on him instead.

Sakura was on the verge of crying when she started her whole 'love' speech, and Naruto started insulting him. Which, of course, caused Sakura to hit him and their arguing began all over again.

'Why me?' Sasuke thought to himself as he walked a little ways away from his squad. "Why do I have to put up with an obsessed fan girl and an idiot?" Now, being as he whispered the question, and no one was listening to him anyways, he wasn't really expecting an answer. So you can imagine his surprise when he actually heard one.

"Because they are you teammates." A voice said from somewhere.

Looking around for the person who was talking to him, Sasuke was surprised to see that there was no one there except his squad. And they were too far away to have been heard. "Who said that?" He asked as he continued looking around.

"I did." The voice replied.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "No duh, but who are you?" He asked.

"I am…" The voice started and then it was silent.

"Well?" Sasuke asked. When the voice remained silent, he sighed. "It's gone; I must've just imagined it. No more ramen before bed for me."

"Why are you talking to yourself?" The voice suddenly asked.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Alright, who are you and where are you?" He asked angrily.

"I am me, and I am right here." The voice replied, and Sasuke swore he could hear the voice smirking.

"That's not what I meant and you know it." He said.

The voice huffed. "Fine, if you must know, my name is Oturan and I live inside your head."

"Yeah right, and I'm a ballerina." Sasuke said annoyed. "Now tell me the truth."

"That is the truth, why don't you believe me?" The voice asked sadly. "And on another note, did you wear a pink tutu or green tights?"

Sasuke growled. "Shut up! I was being sarcastic."

"Riiiight." The voice said skeptically. "Sure you were."

"Argh, nevermind." Sasuke took several deep breaths and tried to calm himself. It had just begun to work when Naruto called him back. "Well there goes the calm." He muttered to himself as he headed back to his squad.

"Awe, is poor little Sasuke angry?" the voice asked mockingly.

Thankfully, Kakashi chose that time to show up or else he might have been tempted to beat his head against a tree. During their training, the voice remained mostly quiet with only a few mocking insults thrown his way. After training was a different matter though. As soon as Kakashi left, saying something about finishing his book, the voice started up all over again. Luckily, Sakura had something to do and Naruto was hungry so that left Sasuke on his own to figure out what the heck was happening. It was better that his squad didn't know that he was hearing voices anyway. He'd never live it down. Sitting down with his back against a tree, he closed his eyes.

"So, whatcha wanna talk about?" The voice asked happily.

"Nothing!" Sasuke snapped. "I want to figure out what's going on so I don't have to listen to you anymore."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" The voiced asked annoyed. "Nothings going on and you can't get rid of me; I'm like your conscience."

"Sure you are." Sasuke said as he rolled his eyes. "If that's true, how come you've never spoken to me before?"

The voice was silent for a second. "Uh… because…"

"What am I supposed to say?" Sasuke heard the voice mutter along with what sounded like someone shuffling through papers in the background. 'I knew I wasn't crazy.' He thought to himself. 'Now how do I find out who the person is behind the voice?'

"…because you didn't need me until now." The voice finished sounding relieved.

Just as Sasuke was about to ask another question, he heard a faint voice in the background.

"Konohamaru! Lunch!"

"Ok, coming." The voice, now known as Konohamaru, said.

Sasuke heard a click and smirked. It was time to pay the kid a visit.

ooooo

Konohamaru was just finishing his food when he heard a knock on his door. Getting up from the table, he went to answer it. As soon as the door opened, he regretted his decision. On the other side of the door was a very angry Uchiha. "W-what are you d-doing here?" Konohamaru stuttered.

"Well, well, well." Sasuke said with an evil grin. "Looks like my conscience is home after all."

Gulping, Konohamaru paled. "Eh heh heh." He laughed nervously. "How'd you know it was me?"

"You left the device transmitting and I heard someone call you for lunch." Sasuke said as he cracked his knuckles. "Now tell me who asked you to do this and I promise I'll make it quick."

Squaring his shoulders, Konohamaru attempted to look brave. "Why do you think it was someone else's idea?" He asked.

"Simple." Sasuke said as he held up a small device. "You'd never have been able to get this anywhere near me. Now tell me who you're working for."

"Never." Konohamaru said crossing his arms. "I'll never turn on my partner. I'm no traitor."

Sasuke smirked. "Fine, I guess I'll have to take my anger out on you then." He said as he powered up for his Chidori.

Konohamaru began to shake as lightning seemed to form around Sasuke's hand. And with that, all bonds of loyalty shattered. "It was all Naruto's idea; he said it'd be fun. Before he planted the device on you, he gave me a list of things to say to you. He was going to come over here and take over for me as soon as you guys were done with your training, but it looks like he got sidetrack."

Sasuke stopped his attack and smiled. "Thanks for the info, now it's time for me to pay Naruto a visit." He said as he walked away.

"Sorry Naruto." Konohamaru said as he closed his door. "But Sasuke's scary when he's angry and I'm too young to die."

Meanwhile, at the Ichiraku Ramen stand, Naruto sat and finished off his second bowl. "Delicious." He said with a grin. "Time for an-."

"NARUTO!!" Sasuke shouted as he walked into the stand. "We need to talk." He said as he grabbed him by the collar and drug him into the street.

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it." Naruto said as he pried Sasuke's fingers off. "And whoever said it was me is lying."

"Really?" Sasuke asked. "And why should I believe you?"

"Uh…because we're friends." Naruto said after some thought.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "You want to try that again."

"Well, we _are_ teammates." He said as he crossed his arms.

"And when has that ever stopped you from pulling a prank on someone?" Sasuke asked.

"Never." Naruto said with a grin.

Seeing as this conversation was getting him nowhere, Sasuke decided to change tactics. "It's too bad you didn't do it, cause I'd have had to compliment you on it. That was by far one of the best pranks ever." He said as he waited for Naruto to take the bait.

Naruto's grin grew bigger. "It was an awesome prank wasn't it. Sometimes I even amaze myself."

'Hook, line and sinker.' Sasuke thought. "You idiot." He said with a smirk. "You just admitted that it was you."

Naruto's eyes widened as he realized his mistake.

"I already knew it was you anyway, Konohamaru told me everything." Sasuke said as he powered up his Chidori for the second time that day. "I just wanted to see if you were stupid enough to admit it, and you were. Now it's time for you to pay." He said as he started to charge Naruto.

Naruto dodged and took off running. "Calm down, it was just a joke!" He cried as he continued to dodge Sasuke's attack.

"Yeah, and so is this." Sasuke said sarcastically as he blew up the barrel that Naruto had dived behind.

"That almost hit me!" Naruto yelled as he glared at his teammate.

"Well duh." Sasuke said with a smirk. "How am I supposed to hurt you if I don't hit you?"

Naruto gulped before taking off towards the forest.

Grinning evilly, Sasuke went off in pursuit of his prey.

For the next hour, the villagers heard strange noises coming from the forest. Deciding it was just some poor animal being hunted, they asked the gods to watch over its soul and then went back about their business.

Some time later, Sasuke came out of the forest with a smile on his face. Brushing the dirt off his hands, he looked back at the forest one last time before heading home. He needed his sleep since his squad would be going on a mission tomorrow.


	4. Spooning Leads to Forking

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Spooning Leads to Forking

* * *

It all started with that damn shirt. Sure it was funny, but who knew it would lead to disaster.

ooooo

"Hey Sasuke." Naruto said cheerfully. "I've got something for you." Holding out a small bag, he waited for his teammate to take it.

Raising an eyebrow, Sasuke looked at the bag suspiciously. "What is it?" He asked, not sure if he really wanted to know.

"Just open the bag and you'll find out." Naruto said as he rolled his eyes at his friend's attitude.

Taking the bag, Sasuke cautiously peered inside, and when nothing attacked him or exploded, he reached in and pulled out the contents. "A shirt." Sasuke said as he held up the black material. "Why?"

"Turn it around and read what it says." Naruto said, beginning to get impatient.

Flipping the shirt over, Sasuke smirked. It had a picture of a spoon and fork and said 'Spooning Leads to Forking'.

"What do you think, pretty funny huh? I didn't know it was so popular that they even made a shirt for it." Naruto said as he watched Sasuke smile.

"It's a little funny." Sasuke admitted, shaking his head at the dense blonde.

Just then Sakura showed up and headed towards them. "Hey you two." She said. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." Naruto said as he tried to shift closer to his pink haired crush. "I just got Sasuke a gift."

"Really?" Sakura asked, looking at the boy of her dreams. "What did he get you?"

Holding up the shirt, Sasuke allowed her to read it.

"Spooning leads to…forking." Sakura said, choking on her tongue. Then she turned on Naruto. "Why would you give that _thing_ to my Sasuke?" She asked angrily. "It's disgusting."

"What's wrong with it?" Naruto asked in confusion. "It's funny."

"_That_ is not funny." Sakura fumed, pointing at the offending article of clothing.

"Ok, maybe it's not." Naruto admitted. "But the fact that one of Sasuke and my favorite pastimes, other than sparring of course, would be written on a shirt is pretty funny."

Sakura paled. "Y-you mean you two do _that_?" She asked, pointing at the shirt.

"Sure, all the time." Naruto said with a shrug.

Looking back and forth between the two boys, Sakura's eyes widened. "N-no w-way." She stuttered as her nose suddenly began to bleed. Covering her nose, she turned to leave. "No one is going to believe this." She said as she took off, leaving a small trail of blood behind her.

Blinking, Naruto turned to face Sasuke. "What was that all about?" He asked. "She acted like what we do is unusual. Doesn't everyone fight with silverware?"

Sasuke, who had tuned the conversation out shortly after Sakura had shown up, looked at Naruto questioningly. "What are you babbling about, and where is Sakura?" Then, noticing the blood he raised an eyebrow. "And where did this blood come from?"

"The blood is Sakura's." Naruto said. "For some reason, when I told her we had silverware fights all the time, she got a nosebleed. Then she said something about how 'no one's going to believe this' and took off."

Paling, Sasuke re-read the shirt and then put two and two together. "Did you _specifically_ tell her that we have silverware fights?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"Um…no." Naruto said. "We were talking about the shirt and I said 'we did that all the time'. Why, does it matter?"

"Oh god, no." Sasuke groaned as he beat his head against the nearest tree. "This is not going to turn out well."

"What is your problem?" Naruto asked as Sasuke began to mumble incoherently. "Would someone please tell me what is going on?" He asked in exasperation. Sadly, no one heard him but the wind.


	5. There's a Face in my Noodles

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

There's a Face in my Noodles

* * *

"I'm so freaking bored!" Sasuke grumbled as he kicked a defenseless rock into a tree. "We should be training, but nooo. Kakashi-sensei has to go off on a one-man mission and here I am with nothing to do." Pouting, he plopped down against the same tree he'd just hit and moped.

Just as he was beginning to bring out his 'dark cloud', a head of bright blonde hair suddenly appeared in front of his face and made him jump.

"Whatcha doing?" The hyperactive ninja asked as he hung from a branch by his feet.

"None of your business." Sasuke replied as he went back to his brooding. "Now go away."

"That's not very nice." Naruto said as he dropped down in front of his teammate. "And after I went through the trouble of coming all the way out here to invite you to lunch."

"Liar." Sasuke said with a snort. "You're just out of money again and you need someone to pay for your ramen."

"Eh heh." Naruto laughed nervously. "You caught me." He said as he took a seat next to his friend.

Several minutes passed in silence and then Sasuke abruptly stood up. Seeing Naruto's confused look, he rolled his eyes. "Well, are you coming?" He asked as he headed towards town.

With a huge smile, Naruto jumped up and ran after Sasuke. "I knew you'd come around." He said as they walked to the ramen stand together.

"Idiot." Sasuke mumbled as they took a seat.

"I'll have my usual and give him the…special." Naruto told the man with a conspiratorial wink.

Raising an eyebrow, Sasuke shook his head at the boys' antics. 'You'd think he was ordering something illegal the way he's acting.' He thought as he waited for his meal. 'One of these days I should probably read the menu so I know what it is I'm eating. Nah, too much work.'

The two sat quietly, well, at least Sasuke did. 'The world would probably explode if Naruto ever stopped talking.' Smirking at the thought, Sasuke snapped out of his musings when their food arrived.

"About time, I'm starving!" Naruto said as he began to slurp his food. "Arnt youm gonin tom met?" The blonde asked with a mouthful of noodles.

"Disgusting." Sasuke muttered as he took a bite. Chewing, he was surprised how good it tasted. Before he knew what he was doing, he began to shovel the ramen down his throat. Feeling a warm sensation forming in his stomach, Sasuke began to relax. Placing his chopsticks down, he turned to look at his friend with a goofy grin on his face. "This shtuf is goood." He slurred slightly, patting his stomach in contentment.

"Mmhm." Naruto said absently. He was too focused on his food to pay much attention.

With a shrug, Sasuke picked back up his chopsticks and went to take another bite. "Huh." He said in confusion. "What are you doing in there?" When he got no answer, Sasuke tapped Naruto on the shoulder.

"What?" Naruto asked, slightly annoyed at being interrupted.

"The face in my ramen is being rude." Sasuke pouted. "He won't answer me."

Blinking, Naruto looked at his teammate strangely. "Okaaaay." He said. "Whatever you say." When Sasuke went back to poking his noodles, Naruto called over the shopkeeper. "Hey old man, what was in the special? Sasuke's acting really weird."

"It's your basic pork ramen cooked in sake." The ramen maker replied. "Didn't you know that?"

Paling, Naruto glanced at his now drunk friend. "N-no." He stuttered. "But I should have known not to get it since Kakashi-sensei recommended it." With a sigh, he finished his ramen and stood up. "Come on Sasuke, le-. Huh, where'd he go?" He asked as he looked around. When the shopkeeper pointed outside, Naruto's eyes widened. "Oh no!" He cried as he ran out. "If anyone sees him like this he'll kill me!"

Turning a corner, Naruto froze. "Someone please kill me now." He muttered as he stared at the sight. "Death would be far better than what Sasuke's going to do to me."

Meanwhile, Sasuke was busy giving a 'wonderful' performance to Sakura and Ino. "I'm too sexy for my shirt." He sang as he twirled his shirt over his head and danced. "So sexy it hurts."

Yep, there'd be hell to pay tomorrow.


	6. The Fangirls are Coming

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

The Fangirls are Coming, the Fangirls are Coming

* * *

Naruto followed Sasuke back to his place with an odd look on his face. "So let me get this straight, because of that shirt I gave you, and apparently Sakura's misunderstanding, the whole town thinks we're gay?" He asked slowly. Seeing Sasuke tense, he frowned. "I still don't get what the shirt has to do with this, but I can't imagine the town thinking that about us. I mean we hate each other most of the time."

"That's not the point dobe." Sasuke bit out through clenched teeth. "It doesn't matter if it's true or not, all that matters is Sakura thinks it's true. So she told Ino, who told TenTen and now the whole freakin town believes it."

Crossing his arms behind his head, Naruto looked up at the sky as they neared the Uchiha mansion. "I'm sure once we tell everyone the truth it'll all blow over, it's not a big deal Sasuke." He said reassuringly.

Sasuke snorted at his oblivious friend. "Obviously you don't know a thing about girls moron." He said, resigning himself to the fact that he'd have to spell it out for the stupid blonde shinobi. "Have you ever heard of 'yaoi fangirls'?" He asked curiously. When Naruto shook his head, he continued. "A yaoi fangirl is someone obsessed with certain male couples. They're crazy, kinda like how Sakura and Ino used to follow me around all the time, only these types are much worse."

"What does this have to do with us?" Naruto asked curiously.

"Wow, you really are an idiot." Sasuke muttered, shaking his head slowly. "What I'm saying is that most of the females in this village are yaoi fangirls to some extent. That means that once the catch word that we're…_gay_…" He spit out the word like it was poison. "They'll be all over us asking for pictures and trying to catch us doing something." When Naruto opened his mouth to ask what the girls thought they'd catch them doing, Sasuke held up his hand. "Hell no, I'm not explaining that to you. If you want to know so bad you can go ask Kakashi or Jiraiya." Pushing open the door to his house, he walked inside.

Naruto shook his head and followed his teammate inside. "So then what do we do about thi-." Before he could finish the two boys were suddenly surrounded by Sakura and Ino. Blinking as lights continued to flash in his eyes, Naruto hid behind Sasuke.

"Look Ino, Sasuke's protecting Naruto. That's so cute!" Sakura squealed as she continued to take pictures of the pair.

"These pictures are going to sell for a fortune online." Ino said with a grin as she snapped a few more shots. Cocking her head to the side, she continued. "Would you mind putting an arm around Naruto Sasuke-kun?" She asked sweetly. "It'll make the pictures much better."

"Oh, and maybe give him a quick peck on the cheek." Sakura added. "That'll sell thousands of copies."

Sasuke growled and tore the cameras away from the annoying girls before him. With a smirk, he proceeded to crush them into tiny pieces before shoving the girls out of his house. "And stay out!" He yelled as he closed the door behind them.

Naruto stood frozen with wide eyes. "…that was really freaky." He mumbled.

"Yep, and I'm sure that's just the beginning." Sasuke grumbled as he headed towards his room, Naruto following behind slowly. "Now do you understand why I was worried? This is how crazy girls can get if they're yaoi fangirls. If we don't do something soon, we'll probably die." He said as he walked into his room and froze. "…Tsunade, what are you doing in my room?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"Oh don't mind me you two, just go right ahead and do whatever it is you were planning on doing to Naruto. It'll be like I'm not even here." Tsunade said with a giggle.

"Hey Sasuke, why'd you stop?" Naruto asked from the hall. When Sasuke didn't move, Naruto leaned his head over the other boys shoulder and peered into the room. "Hey granny, what are you doing here?" He asked.

"I'm just here to keep an eye on you two to make sure you don't do anything too painful to each other, you'll need to be able to go on your mission tomorrow after all." Tsunade said, smirking at the enraged Sasuke.

"Oh we're not going to fight, we're too busy avoiding all those…um…oh yeah, yaoi fangirls outside. They're kinda scary." Naruto said as he continued to lean on Sasuke.

Squealing, Tsunade pulled a camera out and clicked several photos. "You two are just so adorable together!" She cooed as she took a few more pictures.

Naruto blinked and then began to back up slowly. "It's just like Sasuke said, all the girls in this village are fangirls. Aaaaaaahhhh!" Turning around, he sped off down the hallway just as Sasuke snapped.

"WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!!" He shouted as his chakra began to swirl around him dangerously. "It was all that dumb shirt's fault…and that stupid moron." Eyes narrowing in anger, Sasuke stormed off after Naruto, powering up his chidori as he went. "NARUTO!! Come back here so I can kill you!"

Tsunade smirked as she pulled out a small walkie-talkie. "Hey Sakura, it's me. The boys are headed towards you and it looks like this is going to be one explosive fight. Make sure you take excellent footage."

"Will do." The pink haired shinobi replied. "I told you this would be a great way to make some extra cash for the village. Ino said we've already had about five hundred purchases of the first photos we took and that was in less than twenty minutes. Once we post this video for sale all those rabid yaoi fangirls out there will be crawling all over each other to buy it. It's the perfect plan."

"Just remember to keep some good shots for us." Tsunade replied with a smirk. "You never know when we may need them." Sitting back in Sasuke's chair, she smiled. "Well I'd better get back to the tower and get some work done before Shizune starts to freak out." Standing up, she smiled as she heard the sound of the boys' battle. Whistling a happy tune, she jumped out the window and headed back.


	7. Fear is a Powerful Revenge Technique

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Naruto or anything affiliated with said show.

"Speaking"

'Thoughts'

* * *

Fear is a Powerful Revenge Technique

* * *

Two weeks had passed since the dreaded fangirl attack and Naruto was finally able to walk down the street without being accosted by crazy, camera wielding girls. Sure they still followed him occasionally, but ever since Tsunade initiated the 'Privacy Act' the girls were forced to, for the most part, leave him and Sasuke alone. 'Of course the only reason the old hag bothered to help us was cause we threatened to destroy all the sake in the village.' Naruto thought to himself annoyed. Unfortunately, even though the girls were no longer taking pictures and hounding them about being a couple, Sasuke was still furious with Naruto.

After the initial attack, which left Naruto in the hospital for two days, Sasuke disappeared. The next time Naruto saw him, he prepared for the worst, but Sasuke simply ignored him and went about his business. When several days had passed and still Sasuke had done nothing, Naruto began to relax.

However, one evening after practice, Naruto glanced over at Sasuke at just the right moment and the look Naruto saw on his face gave him nightmares for days. It became apparent at that moment in time that Sasuke was far from done with him and Naruto whimpered in fear.

The next week seemed to crawl by as Naruto constantly looked over his shoulder, sure that Sasuke would attack at any moment. Naruto became so paranoid that he began to limit his sleep to only 20 minutes at a time, just in case Sasuke decided to ambush him at night. He even kept all the lights in his apartment on since he was certain Sasuke would jump out the moment it became dark. By the end of the week Naruto was exhausted, both physically and mentally, and still Sasuke had not attacked.

Glancing around a corner on the way back to his apartment, Naruto sighed in relief when he saw that nothing was out of the ordinary. "This is getting ridiculous." He muttered to himself as he headed down the street. "Why won't he just attack me and get it over with?" Flinching when he heard a branch rustling, Naruto released the breath he was holding when he confirmed that it was only the wind. "I can't take much more of this waiting."

Suddenly, a pink haired woman appeared before him and Naruto almost screamed in fear. "Sakura, don't do that!" He cried out, patting his chest to calm his racing heartbeat. "You nearly scared me to death!"

Sakura raised an eyebrow curiously. "What is your problem?" She asked, watching Naruto's eyes dart around quickly. "You've been acting strange all week. Are you in some kind of trouble or something?"

Whipping his head towards a sudden sound, Naruto shook his head when he saw it was nothing more than a rat. "Yeah, Sasuke's out to get me." He whispered nervously. "Ever since that whole t-shirt incident and fangirl attack he's been mad at me, and now he's out to get his revenge."

"Um, I thought Sasuke already got his revenge. Didn't he put you in the hospital a week or so ago?" Sakura asked.

"Yes he did." Naruto said with a nod. "But after I got out I saw him watching me with this evil look on his face. He's planning something, I just know it. And if I let my guard down, even for a second, that's when he'll strike."

Rolling her eyes, Sakura shook her head. "I think you're imagining things." She said. "I can't see Sasuke following you around just to catch you off guard so he can attack you. If he wanted to hurt you, he'd do it."

"You wouldn't think that if you saw the look he'd given me." Naruto said as his eyes continued to dart around feverishly. "It was pure evil I tell you, evil. No one would give that look out unless they're planning on doing something horrible to them."

"...whatever you say, but you should probably know that Sasuke's not even in the village right now." Sakura said, eyeing her teammate as he stood there shaking. "He's on a mission and won't be back for a week."

"That's what he wants you to think." Naruto whispered as he glanced around nervously. "He's really in hiding, waiting for the perfect moment to strike."

Sakura opened her mouth to speak, then closed it and shook her head. 'In the state he's in, he wouldn't believe me anyway.' She thought. "Ok, well I'm going to leave now. Enjoy you're night of paranoid delusions." Waving, she walked off down the street.

Watching as his teammate disappeared; Naruto heard another noise in the trees and quickly turned to face it. "I know it's you Sasuke." Naruto called out as he trembled in fear. "Just take your revenge and be done with it." As a small bird came hopping out of the shadows, he took a deep breath and chuckled nervously. "Ok, so it wasn't Sasuke."

Shaking his head, Naruto tried to calm down. However, the moment he saw a dark human shaped shadow emerge from the bushes his calm vanished and he screamed as he began to run off down the street. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!! SOMEONE HELP ME, HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!!" He cried out.

Sai cocked his head curiously as he watched the blonde haired teen run away screaming. "Hmm, I wonder what I did wrong this time." He said to no one in particular. "I was only going to ask him a question about his last mission." Shrugging, he turned on his heel and walked off. "I guess I'll just have to ask Sasuke when he returns."


End file.
